My kitchen is my sanctuary! Like many families it is the hub of the home and the gathering place for a family to come together and share some witty conversation and soul soothing meals. My fireman and I had our children very close in age, 19, 17, 16. So in the early days I made it my mission to not lose my identity as a woman. Yes I was a wife and mother, but I was a woman who had needs, independent of the roles I carried out. I think a big reason many marriages don’t survive the early days of child-rearing is because so many women focus all of their energy into being a mother they forget that their husband needs attention as well. I am not judging, I nursed three children and in the very early days of never-ending feedings and sleep deprivation, sex was the last thing on my mind! But as the demands lessened, I fell back into my rhythm of being a wife and the woman my husband fell in love with.
One of the ways we found that promoted a feeling of closeness and intimacy, was cooking and being in the kitchen together. My fireman would pour us a drink and we’d have the kids settled in with a book or a movie and we would talk about the days events, if it was a serious conversation we would sit and talk, if it was casual and light he would be my sous chef and help prep and gather spices for me, a little slap on the butt is all the motivation I needed to turn out some sexy dishes! There was something in the sharing of the mundane tasks of cooking and prepping food that made it scintillating and steamy. Not just the pasta water boiling if you catch my drift?!
As you can tell I’m not up-tight about sex and I have no problem expressing this side of myself. I thank my mother for that, as she was not uptight when I asked her about questions I had regarding sex from an early age, and I have parented my children the same way, although, I think I am much more open than my mother was, but the culture is different now because of our age of social media, and the introduction of the internet, and access to computers, and smart phones, I also feel one of the most important things a parent can do for a child’s self-esteem is to not make a child ever feel shameful for their feelings and attitudes towards sex, their bodies, and their sexual identity. I have answered and still continue to answer, some sexually intense and some times embarrassing questions, but I would rather my children get the correct information then walk around misinformed, with false knowledge. But I understand that many people are uncomfortable with this type of frankness and that is perfectly ok. This is my parenting style and one style is not superior over the other.
So how does all of this translate to amazing sex? You start by creating a mood. I start by wearing something functional for cooking with a hint of sexy none the less, I light some candles, a nice cozy fire if it’s cold out, play some mood music, for us this a sexy mix of classic rock, Stones, Bob Seger, Chris Cornell, Three Doors Down, Metallica, Billy Joel, Fleetwood Mac, you get the picture, we have a cocktail, I serve a sexy appetizer, finger foods if you will, bacon wrapped shrimp, clams orgenata, maybe some raw oysters, or a gooey, cheesy dip that my fireman can feed me, as I work hard on our second course. SO now you have all of these little romantic things going on that help set the tone, you’re both being playful, a little naughty banter, there’s some hand holding, and neck nuzzling, the promise of what might be, and of course cooking, seduction is sexy, in it of itself. Kitchen foreplay is about the seduction, the experience you create, food and the promise of sex….here, taste this, letting the spoon linger, feeding him, looking into his eyes, taking him by the hand and making him dance to your wedding song in the kitchen. We do this I swear! He gets embarrassed if the kids walk by, mostly because our boys tease the hell out of him, but its important for kids to see the love between their parents, and quite honestly what is more beautiful than to see love in all forms? If you are lucky enough to have the house to yourself, which now that we have three teens, we are blessed with some alone time, then you can let things progress as far as you are willing to go. I have been known to take food off the burner and finish our cooking behind closed doors in the bedroom or wherever. But other times, we are both content with finishing the meal, which is usually a light pasta dish, like roasted Brussel sprouts and bacon, over penne, or a Puttanesca, (some sexy overtures, Puttanesca, is a dish that prostitutes in Italy would serve to their clientele, before heading into the bedroom),over some angel hair, other times it’s a pan seared rib eye, with horseradish mashed potatoes, and sautéed spinach, then dessert may be chocolate covered strawberries, or a sinfully, decadent chocolate mousse, or a panna cotta with raspberries, followed by us escaping to our other sanctuary, for the perfect ending to the perfect meal. The point is it’s the prelude for what’s to come, (pun intended) and it starts with an act as simple and perfunctory as making dinner.
Let me just state, that not every night is like this in our house, many are not, but whenever we can, we are making the most of our time together and finding ways to enjoy and savor the sexy, sweet tastes that life has to offer, and in doing this I think it has helped us to keep the mystery and love alive in our marriage, but quite honestly, at the end of the day, two people have to be committed to working at a marriage and despite all odds, whatever comes against you, both must find a way to make the insanity and beauty of it all, work!