I was blessed with a mother who taught me so much about life in a short span of 21 years, until her untimely death. She was a progressive, forward thinking woman, who taught me to own my power as a woman, and speak up for what I wanted. Thankfully, I have NO problem doing that at 49 years old. I think for so many women, they lose themselves in the role of wife and mother, that they forget that they are a woman first and foremost. One with needs, desires, and scintillating intellect.
One of the things that became evident to me as I began dating, was the way men seemed to respond to really good food the way they did to really good sex! Men are visual creatures for the most part, but I think savoring really good food has its own eroticism for men. It goes deeper, because men equate the act of being nourished to the early days of being nurtured by the very first woman in their lives, Mom. Now I’m not suggesting Freud’s psychology on Oedipus Complex. I simply mean that the act of being cared for makes a man feel loved and valued. Somewhere in my psychology, I saw the way this need in men to be cared for led to greater intimacy and satisfaction in sex. Yes, to be able to craft fabulous food is indeed the way to a man’s heart ladies. But even better is the fact that this leads to better sex. There is a common thread here… Sex+Food=Intimacy.
What does a freak like me do in my kitchen to get the party started? I am all about the dance if you will. I know what my fireman likes to eat and what elicits strong reactions. He loves my Orecchiette with Broccoli Rabe and spicy sausage, or my Chicken Divan, because it is a comfort food from his youth, and just last night I made him Pan Seared Scallops with Crispy Prosciutto, a new twist on his favorite, and he loved it! So I start with a little tease, “Guess what I making you?” To which he responds playfully, “Excited” Which makes me laugh, “besides that.. I say,” “Your favorite, pan seared scallops.” “Mmm”…he respsonds. So it begins, I have my music amped up, a glass of wine, my vintage apron on and I get busy. I am chatting with him, we are laughing, he comes and surprises me with a kiss on my neck, and I have him baited! I have piqued his interest yes, but he is responding in kind to the fact that I am caring for him, and this allure for men is almost as gratifying as sex. I said almost!! I am not naïve here! I have talked to men who’s partner’s are not adept in the kitchen and there is a sadness in them, mostly because they have had to take over the task of providing meals, but I think more importantly, they feel that sense of disconnect that comes with having a meal lovingly prepared for you. Now I know that sounds like a sexist statement, and cooking is not gender specific by any means, but traditionally we equate the woman with being the one to cook for the ones she loves, and I personally do feel for me, that this is a way for me to show my man he is loved and cared for. So I have him in my crosshairs, the chopping the prepping the finesse of the way I handle my business in the kitchen is sheer perfection. Confidence is sexy and I am boss in my kitchen. My freak is fine! The meal is underway and the smells are heavenly. All the senses are coming alive. And you thought you were merely making a meal. Hell no, it so much more than that. One interesting fact that has science behind it, but not that earth shattering, is that men are hardwired to choose sex over food, big surprise there, I know, but a study was done by the University of Rochester. The experiments involved C. elegans, a microscopic roundworm. There are two sexes of C. elegans – males and hermaphrodites. It was previously observed that males will leave food source and “wander” because they were in search of a mate. Researchers discovered that the sensory mechanisms called chemoreceptors were regulated by the sexual identity of these cells. These receptors are called ODR-10. In males, fewer of these receptors are active, essentially suppressing their ability or perhaps desire – to find food, in addition, researchers found that the normal worms left their food source and eventually made their way to the center of the dish where they mated with the hermaphrodites. (Cited: Business Standard) Luckily for most men they don’t have to choose between one or the other, and can even have both if they are so inclined. With the food underway, I take time to set the table and get all of the necessary accoutrements. One thing I do at every meal is serve my fireman. I prepare his plate and even slice his food, it’s not because it’s expected, it’s just a thing I have done for the last 24 years. Must be the strong nurturer in me. So we sit together and eat, and talk, which ultimately leads to some salacious talk, about how we want to spend the remainder of our night.
I know that inevitably we all must eat, and that even if I didn’t cook for my fireman, he would still love me anyway. I just know for me, one way to let my inner freak out is to get in the kitchen and create, and show my love how much I desire and appreciate him, and if by chance my freak should find another outlet later that evening, so be it, wink ..wink! Now let your freakout.. and get cooking!!