I have a confession, like millions of women in this country and beyond, I have read all of the 50 Shades sagas.  To me erotica is nothing new, long before 50 Shades, I was in touch with this side of myself, and as I mentioned in my previous blog post, I believe the movie 9 1/2 Weeks was just as groundbreaking, and as a matter of opinion, mostly mine, I think E.L James took some plays from 9 1/2 Weeks, as there are many similarities in the movie and her book.  What got me thinking about  all of this, I was sitting in my kitchen, and my daughter was telling me how good the movie 50 Shades Darker was, that she and her cousin had just seen.  Now my daughter is 19, she is a woman.  Yes in my heart she is my baby girl, and I will always see her that way too, but I see the mature, intelligent, beautiful woman she is, and I could not be prouder.  So having seen the first movie, having had her borrow my Ebooks for the series of 50 Shades of Gray, it didn’t bother me that my daughter chose to read those books, I raised her to explore the world and discover her power as a woman, and I am not uptight about sex the way most people are.  I see the value in all of what we are here to explore, savor, and experience.  But it got me seriously thinking did the 50 Shades of Grey help or hurt a whole generation of women already questioning our sexuality and still reeling from the discovery of our G-spot.

I don’t think it will come as a surprise to men that a great number of women actually enjoy sex, enjoy watching porn, and are perfectly ok taking matters into their own hands so to speak,  if need be, at least I hope not!  But I wonder if men considered that while yes as their wives, girlfriends, mistresses, were reading these novels with dark tales of  bondage, submissive, sadist, masochism, or BDSM for short, there was a liberation of sorts happening to women.  For maybe the first time in the sexual revolution, women were taking control in the bedroom and feeling the power to say let’s try this, and let’s try that.  They were buying toys to experiment and opening up dialogue for further intimacy.  Yet while all of this can be seen as a huge plus for women, and yes bonus for you men!  I think for some women though, who bought into the myth that if you buy a pair of handcuffs, a new vibrator, and some edible lube, your sex life will magically be transformed, and when it was not, felt dismay, that in some way there must be something inherently wrong within them or that their significant other was not sexually attracted to them, and to these women, this is where the paradox takes a sad turn.  While I’ll be the first to admit exploration, and variety, in any relationship are key, however, with any movie, or book of fantasy, comes the unmatched expectations, example, in the book Christian Grey is insanely rich, and can fly you to Paris on a whim, yet your reality may be that your bank account is getting you and your significant other a trip to say, Outback Steakhouse, or the being tied to the bed didn’t work for you the way it did for Anastasia and Christian, and the numerous other things that we contend with in our daily, that make that magical moment anything but.  A crying infant comes to mind, buzz kill for sure, a cramp from being tied to the bed, we aren’t 20 anymore, or a sex toy that feels like a torture device from the dark ages.  But on the flip side, there are the ones that stick, the ones that are so hot, you just want to run and tell your bestie what the fuck just happened, but then you remember she’s sleeping because its 3:00am. 

As I was gathering my ideas for this blog post, I remembered a movie I saw when I was 16, called, Looking For Mr. Goodbar, it was made in the late 70’s, starring Diane Keaton as Theresa Dunn, Richard Gere, as Tony,  Theresa is an Irish Catholic raised by strict parents, and during her early years she is plagued with body image issues due to a congenital disease that is responsible for scoliosis.  Fast forward, she becomes a teacher, and in her mundane life of work and no potential mate in sight,  begins seeking excitement and plunges into a life of drugs, singles bars, one night stands, until she meets Tony, who is a street hustler, with a penchant for dark, dangerous sex, one scene he puts a switch blade to her throat as a way to get her to orgasm, this begins to escalate into a dangerous and rougher sexcapade and finally it becomes too much for Theresa and she bolts, but she is unable to stop seeing men and having sex this way, which proves to be something she would soon regret.  It came to mind because I found myself thinking that once the flood gates were open to this kind of exploration, I don’t know if you can go back to vanilla sex and be content, and if you can, maybe the contentment is in the fact that you are in an otherwise satisfying relationship, that was solid before the exploration, and now you are both over the handcuffs, and bondage and back at missionary.  But for other women, stoked by the powers that be, and this eternal freak, I don’t know if you can go back, if vanilla will be as delicious, as sexy, as freeing.  So for those women, I guess they will need to take control and speak up for what they want, what they crave, and what they desire.  It is not in the act, so much as it is in the power to know what you desire, and being able to demand what you need.  More than likely you will have a captive audience, to which your partner will willingly oblige or can be persuaded as he’s helplessly handcuffed to the bed, and I suppose if you can’t, you will know that maybe there are some underlying issues that will need to be addressed and rectified.

I think that anything that provokes thoughts in a positive way and empowers women will benefit all of us in some way, further, I think the take away here is, women need to understand, men too for that matter, that while these books are fantasies that many women may harbor but may not have the courage to act upon, having a reference to say wow,  this is really a turn on to me, may be, what finally gets a woman to come out of her shell and ditch the vanilla for some luscious, chocolate.  And lets face it, who among us doesn’t like chocolate?

Wishing you and yours, some steamy, sexy, sweaty romps.

Sinfully,

Susan xoxo