Your body is a temple…Tantric Sex 101

Switching gears from my shocking revelations.  Back to the good stuff! For those of you looking for recipes, I will be up with new ones just in time for Fat Tuesday, but for now indulge me in this step towards enlightenment.

I remember the first time I had ever heard of tantric sex.  I had been listening to an interview that Sting was doing about the sex he and his wife Trudy had.  As I listened, and he was the epitome of hotness back in the day, still is actually, but I’m picturing him and his lucky wife in bed, yes I know I’m pervy like that, but he talked about how he could last for hours making love. Hours? How is that even possible, and honestly, who has that much fucking time to devote to sex, I mean don’t get me wrong I enjoy making love, but hours?HE literally said hours! So for the next 20 years he created a frenzy of men looking to emulate his attempts.  For me though, I was floored by the tantric sex of which he spoke, so I began reading books to understand how it was even possible, now he wasn’t talking Viagra.  This was long before the drug was created, now I should mention before I have you envying his stamina any longer, he has since confessed that he fabricated the whole thing, well not the tantric sex part, but how long he and Trudy, God bless her little heart, among other parts, lasted during sex.  His statement was simply, that he was too embarrassed to elaborate and just went with that, adding that (she) “Trudy, is my church!”  Well in a sense Sting was correct, as that is essentially the principles of this 5000 year old Eastern tradition of sexual intercourse. It’s about worship, its spiritual, in that moment your partner is your religion, your church, your everything, your union is so, in the moment you begin to enter into the act of oneness. Now I’m not talking purely sexual intercourse here.

It isn’t about the hours of lovemaking, it is that both partners are surrendering themselves to each other in the most purest, beautiful, intense ways.  Well you ask, “isn’t that the crux of any good sexual practice?”  Well, yes in part, but Tantric sex is about the surrendering, as well as the prelude to sex, the before, now I’m not talking foreplay in the sense that western practices have taught us, say in the way of oral sex before the act of penetration.  No this is far better, hear me out!

The connection is one of a spiritual melding, it begins as you and your partner are lovingly looking into each other’s eyes, you both make a commitment to enter into this practice on a conscious, higher understanding, and I will tell you, it takes PRACTICE!  You need to cultivate a relationship before you can move into a level of Tantric Sex.  I mean sure you can start with the positions, and that will be pretty good, but if you are talking about furthering  your relationship with a partner you love, you are looking for the total package here.  You cannot phone in the touching, the act of examining your lover’s body with your eyes and your fingertips, and expect to have the explosive connection that couples can experience if they are committed to the practice.  Don’t expect to get this same euphoria on a Tinder hookup!  Totally different experience and that is the opposite of what I am talking about. That is all about getting to the end result of the orgasm.  The wham bam thank you ma’am, which yes, is ok in the moment, but what if I told you, you could experience the same euphoria by touching, and certain positions that will provide the perfect alignment for deepening your practice of both intimacy and sexual gratification?  You’re curious, I know you are!

So, how do you bring this practice of Tantric Sex into your daily?  First let me state the obvious here, the minute you introduce this with SEX in the second word, all ears will not only perk up, I can guarantee you will get a resounding, when can we start and why not right now! Easy there cowboy, a few tips to get the party started on the right foot, so to speak, will ensure a gratifying and deeper connection.  First off, you will need a private space and be able to devote some time to this practice.  If you have kids in the house that require your attention, as in toddlers, and preschoolers, then maybe Grandma can take them for a night, or you can make a date night, get a babysitter, have a fabulous dinner, flirting and holding hands giving each other your best seductive, sexy selves, then show up at a hotel and get busy for a while.  Or if you can’t afford that type of night out, maybe wait until the kiddos are sleeping, or your teens are instructed to keep their ear buds in or venture without, at their own risk (true story) whatever it takes, make the commitment.  It will be worth it.  I will also tell you, there are many people for which sex does not come easy for, even being with the same partner for some time, and that is ok, this will just require a little more relaxation, for some it may be a nice glass of wine, a warm bubble bath, a hot shower, some porn, whatever you need to get in the mood to be open-minded is what we are going for here.

Now that you have the scene set,  a quiet private space, you’re both in chill mode, lights are low, candles abound, now here is where I suggest that if you use music, let it be spa music, I say this because you are looking for as little stimulation from outside as possible.  For me if  I hear music I enjoy, I am singing to it and that will defeat the purpose of focusing on my lover.  So for this experience less outside stimuli the better.  Next important thing, you are looking to awaken the kundalini.  The what? I know! Let me explain this ancient Sanskrit concept, in simple terms,  kundalini is the energy that dwells in all of us.  That which lies coiled up, like a serpent at the seat of our soul if you will, your rolling your eyes, I know it, but I am telling you, this is a real thing, and when you reach a level of self-awareness it does not take long to understand this energy. Practices like tantric sex, yoga, and even meditation can awaken this energy. You and your partner can awaken this energy within one another by focusing on each other, and touching each other, gentle caressing, sitting back to back allowing the focus to be on the sensations of skin on skin, the oneness, the sound of your lover’s breath, are all ways to awaken this energy, Kundalini if you will.   Next the natural progressions of things  will undoubtedly take you to your own nirvana.  So how you proceed from here will get the end result you are looking to attain.  However, if you allow yourself to stretch the boundaries here, you will attain a level of more intense orgasms and a stronger bond between you and your partner.  We are talking positions here and I don’t mean missionary.  We are looking to continue the bond we have built-in the touching and eye contact phase, now we have awaken the kundalini energy, and we are building on the intimacy, one of the best ways to achieve this would be ideally by the man sitting and the woman on top, in his lap, entwined in each other,  another position is if the woman is on her back as her partner slips in front of her as he kneels to meet up with and enters her.  The motions are slow, deliberate, gentle, you are joining in unison, the goal here is not to see who can finish first, but to try to meet up with and simultaneously join in the union, if you get my drift!  It is about selflessness here, oneness.  You are looking to build something sacred with a partner whom you’ve established some level of trust and love with.  This is a practice that takes committment, takes time, patience, understating and a willingness to want to strengthen the bond of intimacy and love.

The worst thing you can do to your partner is enter into this and ridicule, mock,or by being impatient with your partner.  It takes love and understanding to want to strengthen your sexual practice, and you need to be kind, caring, and open-minded, and if you cannot be all of those things you probably shouldn’t attempt this.  But if you can be open minded, and allow your soul to grow and experience this wonderful practice, you may find that awakening your kundalini has benefits outside the bedroom, as you may find yourself looking forward to truly listening to your partner when they tell you how their day was, or wanting to be silly for no reason with them. Laughing and holding hands like you did when you were first dating. or just smiling as if you are seeing your lover for the very first time, and after all that is the surest way I know to reach nirvana! Be open to the energy that is all around you and learn to sense the cues that pull you in the direction your soul is longing to go, they are there if you allow yourself to be still and feel!  I promise you will be pleasantly surprised!

Now go harness your kundalini!


Susan xoxo


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