One of the things I admire most about strong women, whether it’s those close to me whom I revere, such as my late Aunt Dottie, my late mother and grandmothers, or defining women, Madonna, whom I am currently disgusted with but I do admire where she’s come to be who she is, Oprah Winfrey, Julia Childs, to name a few, is that strong women are intelligent enough to know that who you are today, does not have to be who you are destined to be tomorrow.  You may have heard that your body’s cells change ever seven years, so in a sense you are different every seven years from an evolutionary standpoint.  But I believe that we are ever-changing on the inside too, maybe more frequently, some times for the better, some times for the worst.  But I think if you can harness the power within, and see that at any moment you can change who you are, who you want to be, and how you leave your mark on this world, you will not feel relegated to your lot in life.  I think too many people make the mistake of believing that they are the victim of their circumstances, their tragedies, their missed opportunities, and they surrender to defeat. That is sad. Truly heartbreaking.

I was blessed with this indomitable spirit that would not let me quit, feel victimized, or ever see that any situation, no matter how dire, how loathsome at the moment, needed to stay that way.  Yes it sucks at that moment, but I knew when tomorrow came, I was going to pick myself up, throw on some makeup, some sexy lip gloss, and go kick some ass!  Figuratively, not literally!  Most of us will agree we are different in our views, our attitude, and even our styles, then say we were in our 20’s! You know those carefree, wild days of being single, staying out all night, then breezing into work with a slight buzz, hungover, wishing for death in the corner of your office.  I mean I heard, I wouldn’t know first hand! Ha ha!  So you go from being this carefree, wild child, then maybe you settle down, you get married and have children and raise a family into your thirties, so now you have to be a proper momma, or papa, and you surrender to what you think that should be, a reserved PTA Mom who drives a minivan, bakes cookies, and drinks wine in the wee small hours of the night, or for you men, you work your ass of to advance your career, learn to schmooze the boss to land the corner office, work long after the sun sets and come home too exhausted to talk to your significant other, long after the kids have been bathed and tucked in with a bedtime story.  You accept the fate of being a responsible adult and maybe you never allow yourself to remember the goals and dreams you had for yourself.  You busy yourself with life and never venture into that corner of your mind.

I can remember when I became a Mom at 30.  I had so many worries and concerns with a newborn.  I was clueless as we all feel when you first become a parent, but something inside me spoke to me and said you don’t have to stop being a woman, just because you’re a mother.  I can’t explain it only to say, that I needed to maintain my identity as a woman so I could be a loving, attentive, hands on Mom, and the woman my husband fell in love with.  I know some women will hate me for saying this, but I’m saying it with love and I have said it to women in conversations, some gasped with horror, others smiled and knew I was right and it was the epiphany they needed. Either way, I am nothing if not brutally honest, when I was a stay-at home Mom, and was driving my children to and from school everyday, I NEVER went out of the house without my hair done, without makeup, or in my pajamas.  When I see women do this, it makes me lose my mind!  My children deserve me going out in public as an embassador to our family, to me and to them.  It says I take pride in myself, I see my worth, and I give a shit.  Yes I know some will argue I am vain, which to some degree they would be right, but I always want to look good, yes I am married and I’m not trolling for sex, but I like looking good for ME!  My daughter will argue with me when I ask her why she is going to class in sweats, her hair up, and no make up.  Now she is truly beautiful and can roll out of bed looking amazing,  while me on the other hand, well I need some help from a little BB cream, some blush, and a coat of mascara!  But her answer is always the same,”Mom I am not there to impress anyone, I am there to learn.”  Well stated, my angel.  Now I am not here to say a women’s worth is tied to her appearance, whether she wears sweats, or makeup.  What I am saying is that outward appearances do matter to some degree, and I chose to not fall into the mommy trap and lose my identity as a woman.  Some may argue that I am exploiting my sexuality, that my worth is tied to my appearance, or that my ego needs the boost in what other’s think of my outward appearance.  I know it may seem that way, but for me personally, it was more of a means of being able to control the one thing I could, me.  Being a mother is a frenetic game of always doing; cooking, cleaning, driving kids to appointments, to school, helping with homework, all of the things that you can’t control, you just do, this was one way to silence the voice that was always mindful of losing it’s identity as a woman.

It wasn’t just me getting all dolled up as my one close friend use to say, every time she would see me, “What are you all dolled up for?” she’d ask.  “Oh I’m going food shopping after I drop the kids off.”  Meanwhile she’s in her pj’s, and hair unkempt, and was perfectly ok with that.  No judgement, she is a beautiful person, but we are two different people.  It went deeper though then my outward appearance, I went to college for the first time at 30, I wanted to carve out a career for myself, and I wanted to show my children that you can always attain your dreams no matter how old or how difficult the road is, I also started taking up yoga, and meditating, I became interested in cooking, and found my passion, I started writing again, I pushed past the expectations of what some family and friends thought I should be doing, and listened to the one person that mattered when it came to what was best for me….Me!

Through my many years of studying Metaphysics, the world around me, and keeping an open mind, I truly believe that our souls have a plan, that there is an inner knowing and intuitive self that governs us all.  Some people fight vehemently against it and experience all kinds of discord, usually in the form of physical aliments, anxiety, and depression.  If you want to know more about this, I urge you to read the book, How To Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay, she healed herself of cancer, and is a prolific writer on the subject of Metaphysics.  I know myself, when I am not aligned with my true self, my anxiety and depression wreak havoc with me, but as I relax and surrender, not easy I know, it becomes less of an event.  I am slowly learning that I am meant for more, and my path is ever-changing and so must I.  I embrace change and I have never hid from it, I am approaching 50, and I am at a place in my life where I am starting to see the fruits of my labor, my children are becoming amazing adults, my daughter will graduate college and begin attending Rutgers in the fall, my son will be graduating high school and will be off to college, pursuing a career as a firemen, my youngest will be a Junior in high school and is focusing on being a top contender in Wrestling and Lacrosse.  I have found my passion after many years of uncertainty and doubt, I started this awesome blog, that has received so much support from my wonderful family and friends, I am at peace with the woman I have cultivated, and have become.  But I can assure you, who you see today, will not likely be the woman I am tomorrow.  Yes I will still be sexy, fun, crazy, kind, loving, and all of those things, but rest assured I may do so in the kitchen of a restaurant in Paris, or in a farmhouse in the vineyards of Tuscany.

I want you to see, that you can at any moment change who you are, and what direction you go.  Your canvas is blank and you are the artist of your life, paint in vivid, beautiful, deliberate strokes. Tell your soul’s story each day!  Reinvent yourself each moment, for the good of all, and for the beauty of you!

Sinfully,

Susan xoxo