I have a confession to make, I am playfully, sinfully, thankfully, naughty by nature.  I am the girl who likes a good smack on the butt by her fireman, and a playful nuzzle while I am whipping up something hot in the kitchen, along with some sizzling, sexy banter, aka dirty talk… I can honestly say after being with my fireman for over 25 years, the sexual tension between us on any given day is intense, and can only be described as HOT.  I know he’s cringing at that revelation, but he should be flattered that I still am wickedly attracted to him.  While this is probably not interesting to you for obvious reasons, I started thinking about the naughty by nature prowess of women, more so than men, because, well let’s face it, men are hard-wired to be naughty and proud of it!  But for women, it isn’t that clear-cut, and for many women it is an obsene, downright, vulgar notion, to accept the naughty girl dying to be unleashed!  I have my theory on why some women are frigid and unable to get in touch with their inner freak, and I am here to dole out some tough love on letting yourself get in touch with, and embrace your inner freak, if nothing more than to have some fun, and to have that earth shattering orgasm, that the good lord intended for you to have.

This is not for the faint of heart, but if you put some trust in what I am about to tell you and give it a try, I can promise you will not be disappointed, because if there is one thing I am certain of, just as much as my ability as a Chef and mother, it is my sexuality as a woman.  Amen!!

I want to say this to you very intimately, and with all the sincerity in my heart….  Ladies, if you want your partner to find your G-spot, find your clitoris, or just have some intimate time between your legs, you must first get to know your body!  Yes ladies, you need to own your orgasms!  Throught the years, I  have known women who have confessed to me that they never had an orgasm with their husbands, or even by themselves for that matter, and to this I say, why the fuck not?  My earliest recollection of achieving orgasm on my own was at around the age of 9.  (TMI, probably, but that’s the sinful sister I am)  Since that time, I have become quite comfortable with my body, and have not had any problems achieving orgasmic bliss.  But I do know why women experience these issues, and if you are willing to work past them, I believe many women can overcome these problems.

Some women have an aversion to their bodies because they have been shamed into believing, either for religious reasons, or a strict upbringing, that their bodies are shameful, that it is a sin to masturbate, or to gain pleasure from your body through orgasm.  To this I say, ladies, just think about this, our creator in his or her infinite wisdom, made our bodies as they are, would he have given us a clitoris, if he had not intended for it to be stimulated, worshiped, and adored?  I think not!  It is a beautiful and intimate way of acknowledging womanhood, and I for one am not about to let my body wither away and not be adored!  If this is the case for you, please try to think of your body as a vessel for all that life has to offer, and imagining that we are so much more than the sum of our parts, even our lady parts, and we deserve to experience ecstasy, the same way we experience any other emotion without feeling ashamed or guilty.  One of the best ways to break this cycle is to buy yourself a vibrator and get familiar with being stimulated, what feels good, what turns you on, and I promise you, if you can do this, it will become easy for your partner to know what you like and how to please you!  Further, there are some women who don’t, for whatever reason feel comfortable with even touching their own body.  Women, you need to understand that if you are not familiar with your body and what feels good, how can you expect anyone else to know this?  Exploring your body makes you less inhibited, more inclined to enjoy the experience, have more powerful orgasms, and may even lead to some further sexual exploration.

Another reason why some women have difficulty in unleashing their naughty nature is because of early childhood trauma.  I recently wrote about being molested when I was 5.   Now, while I think in some ways this did impact my views on sex, it did not hinder me, and probably made me hyper sensitive to my body, which made me want to take responsibility for my orgasms and what pleased me.  However, when a woman is exposed to frequent sexual trauma or abuse, she can begin to view her body with disgust and repulsion, and even to see sex as a means of being taken advantage of and used, making sex unsatisfying and creating an aversion to sex all together.  I truly believe if this is the case as you are reading this, you can still begin to see sex as a beautiful, intimate, union.  For sexual trauma and abuse, this will require the help of a Psychotherapists trained in sexual trauma.  It won’t happen overnight, but if you stay with the process, you will begin to see that sex doesn’t have to be shameful, hurtful, or demeaning, and can actually be pleasurable.

Another thing I have found in talking to women, is that they are in relationships where their partners do not like cunnilingus, and these women have long given up trying to ask for, demanding it, or getting off from it.  I personally, would not be in a relationship very long if that were ever the case, but some women are ok with not receiving oral, and if that works for you, fine.  Now, I know what you men are thinking who are reading this right now, “well you women don’t give head either”.  Now that may be true from some, but I feel this way, if you love someone and want to please them, you will not see it as a chore to be down and dirty and do what makes your partner happy.  Now I am certainly not proposing that anyone do what is not comfortable to them, nor am I advocating how frequently any one-act should occur, what I am merely stating is that when you are in a safe, loving relationship with someone, you want to please them, and you look forward to intimacy in all forms, and it most certainly should be a two-way street.

Now let’s say you are perfectly ok with your body, and not having any real hangups, but you are still going the way of plain old vanilla sex.  Now I say if it works, and you and your partner aren’t having any objections to this, kudos to you, and you are excused from class.  But for those of you still trying to recover from 50 Shades of Sexual Confusion, I will say this, what 50 Shades of Grey, did for the sexual revolution was commendable, if for nothing else, than to allow women to find their voice, and navigate their lady parts, by exploring bondage, and S&M, in mild form, in a safe, loving, environment, and recognize that there is more to life than just vanilla!  There is something to be said for experimenting with the right partner, that allows you to come head on, (pun intended) with your own sexuality.  It’s freeing to know that life is more than missionary position, during commercial breaks between Sports Center!  One of the easiest ways to break away from the everyday, same old, same old, is to buy and put to use, a variety of sex toys.  It doesn’t have to be intimidating, start by taking a shower, pouring a glass of wine and playing some soft music, as you get sexy for your self, and your partner.  This next part helps if you are both alone, or kids are out for the night, then walk past him or her, and drop your towel, exposing you freshly cleaned, and intensely fragrant skin, I promise you nothing on TV will be more important that you don’t garner his full attention!  Allow him to follow you into the bedroom, dimly lit with candles, with an assortment of “goodies” laid out for you both to experiment with and discover what makes each other tick!

This next tidbit, is for the men as well, another sure-fire way to understand what men like ladies, is to watch porn together.  Porn gets a bad wrap for many reasons, but it can help to ease a couple into foreplay and arouse them sexually, when they are feeling inhibited.  Now I will say this to both men and women, the women and men in these films are “actors”.  They are performing.  Men, women who have had babies and are hitting 50, do not have tits that sit firmly on their bodies, in perfect mounds, even with some really kicking implants.  Shocking, I know, and women, most men do not have penises that could choke a horse, and can hold out for hours, even with Viagra.  What I’m saying is, just accept your body as it is, and don’t feel intimidated by what you see in porn.  Most men are stimulated by the women in these films because well, they are sexy, yes, but men are visual creatures, however, most men I know, appreciate the relationships they have cultivated with the women they love, more than what they could ever have with these women.  Men same can be said for us women, we value what we have with you more than one night with any of these posers.

Listen, I am not here to be an advocate for sex in any form.  I am here to write about what crosses my mind and what I feel may be interesting to someone.  I was never ashamed of my body or saw sex as anything dirty.  I thank my mother for that, because even with her strong Irish Catholic upbringing, she had a liberal approach to what she felt the Lord intended for us, and I have parented the same way, probably a tad freer than she would have imagined, but it works for our family.

The reality of this is, we all must find that place within us that feels right for each of us.  We are on this planet, and in this body for such a short time, I truly believe that we should make the most of every moment, and find pleasure in all that we do, all that we see, and all that we feel, and if that leads us to orgasmic bliss, even better!!

Sinfully,

Susan xoxo