I have a confession to make, I am a bit of a flirt. This started back in my younger days growing up in my hood. As I hit puberty, suddenly this self-proclaimed tomboy, who played baseball, rode bikes, and played man hunt, the girl who thought of these boys as strictly my teammates and a minor annoyance on some days, suddenly had me like, “Hey, how you doing?” The voice in my head is so much funnier, this is what prose cannot convey. Just imagine, Joey from the show Friends voice, or Wendy Williams. I know barely laughable! But seriously, the shift in my attention was that quick, I hit puberty and suddenly they had become Adonas-like to me, at least some, anyway. The boys in my hood are cringing reading this now, I know! Sorry guys! All good guys I might add, and most are still my friends, although after this blog we shall see, ha ha!! So I became a bit of a flirt! All in good fun, and it was harmless.
Back then, and for some years later, I was attracted to physical features, and superficial observations. Not that this was a bad thing, but I didn’t fully understand the attraction part, and all of the things that go into choosing a mate, beyond the superficial, I just saw a set of blue eyes, muscles, and a fierce-looking ass in a tight pair of Levi’s, and I became stupefied! I was hooked.
Now, that was fine in my younger days when it was just dating, looking to have some fun, and the likelihood of me marrying at 20 was slim to none, but as I started to consider that I may one day want to become a Mom, and it would probably be nice to have a partner to make that happen with, I found myself drawn to intelligence, maybe just as much as steel-blue eyes and a proper ass, if not more! There is an actual term for this. The word is “sapiosexuality.” As defined by the urban dictionary, a sapiosexual person is someone who finds intelligence and the human mind to be the most sexually attractive feature in the opposite sex. The origin of the word comes from the word sapiens, which means wise or judicious, and the word, sexual. The psychology that supports this attraction is mixed, as some feel that women are hardwired to be drawn to a mate who is physically attractive, with a well build, who will be well suited for protection as well as procreation. Then there is a small percentage who feel that while physical attraction is what draws our attention at first impression, it is the intellect, that women perceive their mates possess, that will ultimately solidify the union.
For me, as I matured and I became of this world, I started to see that I was drawn to men who were seemingly handsome, but were intelligent, driven men, who were fantastic, animated story tellers, and actually knew a thing or two about the world in which we live in . Now that I am married, I am still drawn to intelligence, but in a more begnin way, from a purely, mutually intellectual standpoint. I enjoy a conversation that entertains me, as well as feeds my insatiable appeitie for knowledge, and my natural inquistive side.
I strive to be well versed in many things, not necessarily fluent in all, but certainly up on current events and worldly knowings, but there are two areas I will not enter into in a light discussion, they are the topic of politics and theological debate, as I find these topics to be a source of intensely personal and vehemently defended views. I find too, that I can enter into a conversation much more easily with men because, for one thing men love to be the center of attention, and for another, most men love to show off their knowledge to women in an effort to garner their attention and up the attractiveness factor. Now I am certainly not saying that men are more well versed than women, or that I don’t enjoy intellectual conversation between my sisters, I love getting together with my girlies, but when I talk to a male friend at say our shop, or at a party, I find that the conversations are fraught with facts, insights, and compelling tales, that force me to see things from a male perspective and from a totally differnt vantage point. I truly feel that anytime you talk to someone it should feed your soul in some way,as interactions with people have the capacity to do one of two things, help lift someone up and make them glad they know you, or leave you questioning how you could have wasted ten minutes of your life talking to a babbling, self-absorbed idiot, who clearly has very little to offer up in a conversation. Thankfully, I have had much more pleasant encounters, then those that were not so pleasant.
Now just because someone is well versed in the fine art of conversation, is highly educated, extremely intelligent and says all the right things, doesn’t mean they are the perfect mate, or even a decent human being. I know many people who are extremely intelligent, but have the social skills of a rock. Further, they also lack the ability to be apathetic, and are unable to gauge certain nuances of human interaction, so they come off as detached and somewhat aloof, which to me are red flags, when you are considering a mate to share your life with.
I will say too, that our perceptions of intelligence are subjective, in that just becasue someone can recite the prose of Shakespeare and Whitman with accurate precision, does not mean they are a Rhode Scholar, and worldly on all fronts. I belive it goes deeper. Intelligence is the confidence one exudes when they are speaking about a certain topic they are passionate about, it is in the mannerisms, the inclusive way they talk to you, not condescend to you, it’s in the finely timed delivery of a story, and it is the humor they impart. To me this is a sexy brain doing what it does best, and the true essence of who a person really is. It has less to do with the job that one has, the car they drive, or the material possessions they have, but is more about what comes through when a person speaks and interacts with another.
I always said that if a man can make you laugh, holds you enthralled with scintillating conversation making you hang on his every word, and can make you feel your own worth, that my friends, is a super sexy brain, begging to be explored!