I have a confession to make, sexy is not something that comes easy to me, and I have to work really hard at making it look like it is in my DNA.  Sure I kinda have the makeup thing down, as long as I don’t attempt the smokey eye, no matter how many YouTube tutorials I watch, I accept that at best, I often wind up looking like a rabid raccoon on a good day!  Sure, I can rock a pair of jeans, I have that going for me, especially down a dress size and a half, but then you put me in heels, which I love to wear because I am short, 5’2 1/2 to be exact,  and I am clomping around like a fucking Clydesdale.  I mean I think I look sexy, all grown up like, but then I hear this deafening clomping, and as I turn around to see who’s making that God awful noise, I realize it’s me trying to pull off my sultry strut into a room, and the only reason people are turning to look, is the noise coming from the clanking of my peep toe pumps, yes they are sexy and super cute, but I am walking around in them like I’m clog dancing, and people are aghast.  OK maybe not that bad, but I have to tell you, I think I may have underestimated the art of sexy.  Yes I do believe sexy is something that takes some pulling off.  I don’t mean a tight mini skirt and tits hanging out, not that there’s anything wrong with that.  Anyone with boobs can do that though, and most times it screams “skanky” not sexy!  There is an air to sexy, that can not, and should not, be manufactured.  It is in the way you gracefully walk into a room and own it, it is the classy way you wear your clothes knowing what it takes to look hot without looking dare I say, whoreish, it’s the way you captivate with your words, having men and women alike hang on them as if they are clinging to them for oxygen.  I am here to tell you I have put some time and effort into orchestrating this, and at times I have come so close to pulling it off, if I am feeling playful and go to a party looking almost human, or dressed up for a wedding.  But I have to be honest I think it is truly in your attitude and your belief of yourself as much as it is or even more so, in the way you look.

The art of sexy is so much more than looking the part.  You have to sell that shit and make it stick.  Is sexy acquired? Is it in your DNA? I really started thinking long and hard about this, and I thought of icons like Marilyn Monroe, Sofia Loren, Jane Mansfield, and Angelina Jolie, the epitome to me of sexy, and I have to say, while they are undoubtedly sexy in their physical appearance and the natural way they seduced the camera, what drove this?   Obviously they felt sexy, and early on recognized what garnered men’s attention and how to parlay their good looks into a career, and a lifestyle.  But even at that, I don’t know that they felt sexy.  Sure men said they were, they were marketable because of that, but in the case of Marilyn Monroe, none of the scores of fans, and male attention made her love herself.  It was a known fact that she was insecure and often isolated herself and felt unlovable.  So to me, sexy is a state of mind just as much as it is in the way someone looks, speaks, acts.  It goes deeper and requires so many different elements to be in play to pull this off.

Surely I know how superficial this sounds, but it really does make you wonder, or maybe it’s just me who wonders about shit like this.  I think being sexy or showing yourself as sexy is deemed narcissistic, and self absorbed, and even a sin to some, but I don’t see it that way at all to be honest.   Being a mature, intelligent women, I logically know I am the sum of all my parts, and yes there are times I secretly hope those parts hold up a little while longer to advantageously charm those jolly gents I encounter in the course of my day with a sexy smile, or by the cleavage from the ample assets that I have been blessed with.  Not in a come grope me kinda way, but in a way that glorifies and celebrates womanhood with dignity and self respect.  Let’s face it, we all like to know that we put our best face forward most days, and go out there to be a beacon of light in someone’s day, whether it’s with a smile, a flirty glance, or a pleasant conversation, it feels good to know that you still got it going on.  Just ask Stacy’s Mom, apparently she still has the goods.  (That’s a reference to the Fountains of Wayne tune, and my attempt at being funny). https://youtu.be/dZLfasMPOU4. 

So here it is….my gift to you this holiday season… the top five things men described which they think make us women sexy AF…

1. The way a women walks, apparently I better straighten up and fly right, or in my case walk right, and learn how to navigate my heels!   It truly is in the way a woman commands the room as she walks in and leaves everyone breathless with wanton lust.  I know I have been reading way too many erotic stories! TMI, sorry!
2. The confidence we exhume.  Self esteem ladies…walk into a room and light that bitch on fire.  Figuratively, not literally, unless you’re trying to nab a hot fireman, then by all means!
3. The way our eyes seem to stare at them like we are staring into their soul.  We are actually trying to see if they really have one to be honest…kidding..mostly!
4. How passionate we live our lives and how we put ourselves into all we do.  Well someone has to! Seriously, we live hard and love harder, what more can we say?
5. How we nurture and always find time for those who matter to us.  A known fact that most women are nurturers by nature, most women would mother the world if they could.  I for one, shift swiftly into Mom mode as soon as a kid needs one, whether or not they are my flesh and blood or not.  I love children, even those unruly, know-it-all teens!

So it seems since I hit puberty I have been fumbling towards some semblance of sexy.  In my teens it was all about getting noticed by the boys, trying to wear my Jordache jeans and Kissing Potion lip gloss.  As I got older, it became less about the boys and became more a way for me to take control of me, not for the attention of guys as much as for myself.  I like to wear makeup, dress nice, smell like the scent of sexy, and show the world what this chick is about.  I have a brain, I am well versed in many things, thanks to a solid Carteret Public School education, intelligent parents, and good genes.

I think it is every woman’s right to act, own, and be sexy!  If wearing Prada does it so be it, if you feel sexy in a white-T, sweats and a messy bun, own it.  Life is crazy hard on most days, with pressures of motherhood, work, aging parents, financial obligations, why shouldn’t there be a place for sexy?  So as I fumble towards sexy, don’t be surprised if you see me out and about, a pair of jeans, some killer peep toe pumps, dewy fresh make up, pouty glossed lips, and a sexy “badass” attitude that says this chick knows sexy and she is boss, if only she could walk sexy in those heels instead of clomping around like a fucking Clydesdale!

Sinfully, Fumbling Towards Sexy,

Susan xoxo