WARNING….Crazy Chic Rant…..
We are not even through the first week of the new year and if one more person utters the words, New Year, New Me, I am going to lose my shit. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t that I don’t appreciate anyone making the effort to commit to a new and better self, it’s just that sooner or later we all are compelled, nudged, and bitch slapped, into making some sort of change, either because we have reached a turning point, we have a health crisis, or we just plain feel it with every fiber of our being that it needs to be so.
It all starts with feelings. Hardcore, dark and powerful ones, not the warm and fuzzy kind, that come…. if you’re like me, when your one the verge of a break down, in the midst of one, or have consumed more wine than one person should, wine tasting my ass! Here comes the notion, this is you, in your altered state, that you need to make some serious changes, that things haven’t been working the way you planned, your life is a mess, your hair is in need of some serious root touch up, and you are but a shell of who you use to be. Fuck! The feelings, they are back with a vengeance. This so called life of yours needs a serious overhaul, for real, you need to get the fuck out of your head, focus here, and make some long overdue, revamping, you vamp!
Will you say goodbye to love that no longer serves you? Will you let go of old habits and bad ways? Does this include wine, and mimosas on Sunday? Will you commit to eating healthier, tofu, salad, working out, Sweatin’ To The Oldies? What comes next? You are at the proverbial fork in the road, do you zig, do you zag, sell your soul to the devil?
But wait…those FEELINGS! OK, so this must mean you need to start over, reinvent yourself, be a better version of who you were just yesterday, forge ahead like those brave women before you! Yup! This is you. A pioneer, on your new frontier, maybe it looks like it’s paved with gold, maybe it looks like a baron desert, or a trailer park on the South Side (Edison, ya’all). None of that is of consequence though, as you’re forging your brave new frontier, you are committed to this, all in, and dammit, you are doing this! You are making shit happen. Fuck.…you’re feeling again. How long is this shit going to take? I know, right? You have places to go, things to do, people to see, and here you are with all of these feelings.
For a long time I ran from that shit, feelings, what are they? I would rather catch a fucking cold then catch feelings. Feelings meant I cared, I was vulnerable, I was raw, I was going to be hurt…..Ain’t nobody got time for that!
Inevitably, I would give in and feel, I am an empath that’s pretty much what I do, and then the anxiety would take over, and I didn’t want to feel, so I would seek out anything not to feel. Mostly it was legit, I would take my anti-anxiety meds, do some meditating and be OK. If that didn’t help there was always a glass or two, or five, of Pinot to take the edge off. But you know what? That was a temporary fix, at least that’s what my therapist insisted, and she was right, I eventually needed to, and would begin to feel, and it sucked, it sucked really bad, but I moved into a higher state of being whole, and feeling a wee bit better.
So, it is perfectly fine to feel,to reinvent, and to become you. You don’t need to wait for a new year, do it now, do it in July, on October 30th, on a plane, in a field, as your bent over the tailgate of a pickup truck, be who you were meant to be, and make no apologies. Sooner or later you will say FUCK FEELINGS, they make a pill for that!