have a confession to make. I have never been the chick that takes unsolicited advice, (unless it’s where to score killer heels, how I can achieve a non-surgical butt lift, or how to nab a lip plumper, that will give me Angelina Jolie-esque, lips) nor can I handle stark criticism, very well. It’s not that I necessarily feel it is inaccurate, or not well-meaning, it’s just that I give zero fucks about what someone thinks is best for me. I am just over here doing what I do best ya’ll…being little ol’ me!
Unless you walk a mile in anyone’s shoes, can you truly know what is best for them? Now I suppose if you were smoking dope, are a detriment to yourself and anyone around you, a well-meaning, put down the crack pipe and get your shit together, would be really solid advice! However, if your well-meaning friend says to you “Gee I don’t know if you should wear that outfit it makes you look like a hooker, then I guess you’re going to get a “leetle” pissed and tell her, if you are sassy like me, “Exactly the look I was going for!” “Nailed it,” and silently fume over the unmitigated gall she has to call you out!
What I think
My feeling is that most people are really offering up the advice they need!
It is so much easier to see the error of someone’s ways, then it is to recognize it in yourself. Psychotherapists refer to this as projection, a type of defense mechanism. Which in simple terms refers to a feeling, deep seeded emotion, or opinion that one has about themselves, but is unable to cope with it, so they will project this on to someone else in an attempt to deflect their subconscious feelings of about a particular emotion, reaction, or feeling. For example, say a person has hangups and feels inhibited sexually, and resents this side of themselves, but sees someone else as being sexually uninhibited, they may react by projecting their holier than thou views about sex and morality, and call that person out on their perceived immoral behavior. In a sense this person is not affected by the perceived immoral behavior per se, but affected by it because they are unable to exhibit their sexuality so freely. So really many times when someone is giving advice or their opinion, it usually reflects the advice they are in need of hearing, or the inadequacy they are feeling.
Some people will think nothing of coming right out and telling you that your life is a mess, your kids are unruly, your housekeeping skills suck, and they are pretty sure you are failing miserably at life. I have had one or two people in my day question my mothering skills or lack thereof, as they saw it, or the unkempt home I had, toys on the floor because I had toddlers and infants close in age and they liked to play! IT STUNG, because not only did they miss the mark, they made assumptions about me and took a cheap shot by coming at me about the one thing I know with utmost certainty, I am boss at being a MOM!
Sure I could have attacked the fact that my kids are not in daycare and left with strangers, and that I made the decision to actually stay home, be a Mom, and raise my children, but why stoop to that level, I did my Mom thing, and I did it fucking well, and while yes, at times my home looked like a cyclone hit it, my kids were well cared for, loved and cherished.
Why you should do YOU
I am always fascinated by the people who are constantly stalking social media to find out what someone is up to, someone they declare is a bitch, or a two timer, or someone they can’t stand, yet they know every move they make and where they will be 10 minutes before they arrive. First of all who has that kind a time? Secondly, why are you sweating shit you have no control over, or for that matter, shit that is not your business? The key to happiness is to tend your own garden and not worry what’s growing over yonder. No need to be jelly, if someone has a better home, a better car, or a better garden, bless their prosperity and seek your own. Another words, hoe your own garden, and be a happy hoe..r! You do you, the best you can, and let them do them!
Over here being you
On any given day the most anyone can ever expect to be, is who they were meant to be. Trying to be someone you are not, or being someone’s idea of who you should be, will never bring you happiness or fulfill your sense of purpose. The best we can hope for is to be the very best version of ourselves and understand that we are good enough! Advice is good when you are seeking answers to better yourself, and your life, or when you need a medical diagnosis, but unless it is meant to uplift or empower someone, it’s best to keep your advice and opinions to yourself in most cases. You have your busy life to contend with, and that is more than enough!