In the wildly famous, very funny 1998 movie, Stella, played by the sexy, Angela Bassett, is a powerful business woman, who is too busy with raising her son and her career to have a life, and after some persuading, is finally talked into living a little and getting away on a long overdue”vaca”, with her girlfriends, where she meets a handsome young man, 20 years her junior, and realizes how much she misses intimacy and having fun. I think the reality of this is spot on and so relate-able, how we get so caught up and so busy with life and a career, that we forget to truly live.
Why we lose our groove
For the last 20 years I have been almost all consumed with motherhood and child rearing to even consider what my dreams, desires and lusty goals were, to even have a groove to be honest. It is just now, within the last two years, that I have decided to grab life by the balls and make shit happen. Most notably, my blog, going back to finish my degree, and losing weight.
For me, I saw that I was facing down my own mortality, I was drinking way too much, eating poorly, my blood pressure was off the charts even on meds, and I was looking at the prospect of all of this wrecking havoc with my body, my health and the reality that I might not escape the grips of heart disease, or worse a stroke, or possibly death, unless I made some serious changes.
How I got my groove back
I was fortunate, I did it [changed the trajectory] before it did me [of my ill-fated mortality] to be honest.
But it was not easy. I had to get real, I had to face some ugly truths, and I had to do the work. I changed my life dramatically, with diet, by learning to eat better, exercise, figuring out what was truly important in my life, and I started taking chances and facing my fears, and you know what? I can honestly say, I did get my groove back, and it didn’t involve earth shattering sex with some young stud, like Stella, well he’s still my young stud [my fireman] so maybe it kinda, did!
Sometimes, we lose our groove, because of personal illness, divorce, or a lack luster career, and it zaps us of our true essence and keeps us stuck, until we understand that we need to make a change and start living, and then truly begin experiencing all life has to offer!! So if Stella got her groove back, so can you, my friends!
Here are some things to get you on the path to finding and maintaining your groove!
I know you don’t want to hear this one, but I promise, if you have been like me and you have indulged in booze, carbs, and unhealthy patterns of binging and starvation, you will need to reset your ass, ASAP!! When I say diet, I mean booze too! Yes that means wine!! They kinda go hand in hand, and alcohol is so not your friend, when trying to lose weight or otherwise for that matter… or when trying to find your groove! Trust me, I have tried to rationalize this, and it just doesn’t work! Your diet regimen can be as simple as limiting carbs and eating more protein, or following a program like Atkins, Jenny Craig, or Weight Watchers, to a more permanent, surgical option.
First step is to figure out what the culprit is. For me it was menopause, hormones and the metabolism of a snail. What I did….tried every diet under the sun, cried, cursed my fate, then went in and had surgery for weight loss, specifically, Sleeve Gastrectomy, and I have never looked back. With just three months behind me, I have lost close to 40 lbs. and I am off two of my meds, one for BP and the other for Acid Re-flux. Both goals of mine. Now I am not saying you need to get drastic like I did, but if you have tried to lose weight and nothing is helping, I urge you to consider what your surgical options may be. Now make no mistake, this is a long, tedious process, and it took almost 8 months for me to have the surgery, from the time of my first consult, this included having to complete the myriad of tests and counselling, but today, I am healthier than I have been in many years, and my groove has never been… groovier!
I am the first one to admit, I hate to exercise.
I do however, love Yoga, and walking in nature. Do anything that keeps you moving, even sex on a regular basis will keep you fit and happy! I will say for me, Yoga keeps my body fit and as a result I am less prone to injuries, because I stretch my body into so many different positions that I work many different muscle groups, otherwise, just getting up out of a chair would probably lead to a pulled muscle! Walking is the perfect blend of cardio and meditation for me. Now the key here is find something you love and be consistent at it. I have a problem keeping my commitment to this some days, but I do what I can. But if you really want to get your groove back and to feel sexy in your skin, this is one sure-fire way to get your “groove thang” back on track!
Getting your ZZZ’s
This one is near and dear to my heart because for the last several years, I have battled with sleep deprivation and it has made me at times, super bitchy, I am not going to lie. I blame menopause, for most of this, but also it’s my anxiety too!
Some things that have helped me, are having a regular bed time, taking Melatonin, which is a supplement that helps reset normal circadian rhythms for sleep and wakefulness. This has worked well for me, but I caution starting off with a low dose like 3mg. and working up to 5mg. which is what I take, since some people can experience a hangover effect, upon waking up in the morning as taking a higher dose makes them groggy the next day. Exercise is another way to help ensure more restful sleep, as is keeping your room free from electronic distractions, such as television, cell phone, iPad, etc. also effective, using a white noise machine to difuse outside noise if you are a light sleeper, for a more restful sleep. Also, helpful on so many levels, lose the booze, and you will sleep a whole lot better! Hate to admit this, but it is true!
Taking Stock in What’s Important
There is no better way to reset, then to figure out what is working in your life, what isn’t, and setting priorities, for what truly matters. For me, turning 50 last year was a pivotal, life altering, aha moment. I looked around and realized that I was living for everyone else, and was so far removed from myself, that I barely recognized my reflection in the mirror any more. I saw that I had been abusing food and alcohol in an attempt to calm my anxiety, and this was not only self-defeating, it was wrecking havoc with my body. So I decided, that it was time to get right, and time for me to make myself a priority, and I have been happily on my path ever since.
Take a look around you and begin to recognize where you have the most discord. If it is in your marriage, start taking steps to correct and fix what is broken, if this is truly what you want, or make the decision about how to consciously uncouple. If you have put your dreams on hold for far too long, take stock and see what you can do to bring them to fruition. Maybe it’s going back to school, switching careers, or starting your own business. Whatever makes your heart happy, do that!!
Make SEX a Priority
There is no quicker way to get your groove back, then to have some dirty, kinky, toe curling, earth shattering, sex! Even if you have been single for a while, you can still make sex a priority. Now I am not suggesting you become the town slut and get busy with everyone you meet, what I’m saying is, there are plenty of safe ways nowadays, for adults to hook up for some no strings attached…fucking. Think Tinder, Blendr, and GetNaughty to name a few.
If you are in a relationship and you have been making sex less of a priority lately, it is high time you get your self back into bed, against a wall, on the kitchen counter, or any place you love having sex, for some sinfully sexy, amazingly wild, shimmy shamming!
There is no better way to feel sexy, feel your power, and to know you’re the object of someone’s desire, then by having them show their appreciation for you, by giving you an orgasm that leaves you trembling. This becomes something you will look forward to way more, if you begin to take control of your life, start to diet, exercise, and take stock in what is important. Being intimate, and allowing yourself to let go with someone you love, is one of the ultimate ways to get your groove back, for sure!!
It is easy to get caught up in living a life that you do really forget to live. It seems like a contradiction of sorts, and it is. WE get busy with raising a family, advancing our careers, paying bills, keeping a home, we forget that we have needs too, and many times these needs of ours go unchecked and unfulfilled, for far too many years then we’d like to admit.
It is never to late to redirect our lives and script them by design. Is it easy? Fuck no! Will it happen overnight? NO, but when you begin to see progress, and feel your power, you will wonder why you waited so long to get your groove back, even if you never thought you had one ,wanted one, or needed one before. You did, you have, and you most certainly, DO!
Let me know how you got your groove back or plan to get your groove back! I’d love to hear from you!