Ride or Die

“Not that the concept of ‘ride or die” is new, loyalty has been around since the dawn of time, but I mean the generational perception of loyalty. While it is less prevalent in “Gen Xers” as being one-sided, there are still some men out there who because of generational ideals, believe that loyalty is earned and that it will be granted when someone has proven their worthiness. I do understand this to some degree, but for me, I see loyalty as being the cornerstone to a solid relationship, and coming from a place of sincerity, honesty, and integrity. I don’t truly believe you can be in a loving, lasting, relationship without these things. But in truth, being “ride or die” is not just a philosophy for how you should conduct yourself in a relationship, it is a philosophy for how you should live your life. For, I have been “ride or die” for many causes such as, Women’s Rights, including the Right to Choose, Gay Rights, Children’s Advocacy programs, and for community programs that I felt compelled to rally for.”

Pieces of Me…Finding Beauty in Negative Places

“I have a confession to make, I am a complicated mess.  A fucking disaster in a sea of muck, and bad decisions.  I curse, a lot, I drink wine, a lot, I experience road rage in the supermarket, I give my husband the finger behind his back once in a while, ok once a week!  I yell at the dog when he wants to play and I’m too tired to move, I get pissed at my kids sometimes and fantasize about moving to Oklahoma and leaving my life behind.  Ok not Oklahoma, I am not a the Pioneer Woman, and I love the beach.  Some of this is tongue in cheek, I will let you decide which is which.  But the point is, I own my flaws, my bad decisions, my moods, my life.  All of it.  Not once will you ever hear me assert blame for my life on any one but me.  I have been in therapy long enough to know I may not have been a willing participant in many things, but it was my life and I chose to be silent, to be present, to be oblivious, and to speak up.  Sometimes all at once, sometimes unintentional, sometimes not.”

Terminally Pretty

“While I still loved playing sports, riding dirt bikes, and all the other stuff I had enjoyed before, I found my adrenaline rush was now coming from the endorphins of a boy-girl crush, some Baby Soft Perfume, Kissing Potion Bubble Gum lip gloss, now became something different in the eyes of the guys that once only saw me merely for my quickness in the outfield, and my ability to stop a flying puck with ease.  It was such a confusing transition, and when my friends (boys) would say you look really nice, when I’d walk around the block to elicit their attention, I didn’t feel that way, and I wanted to so badly!  It seemed like the more attention my looks garnered, the more I convinced myself that I was horrid.”

Two Faces….Understanding What Lies Beneath

“But that’s the dirty little secret about mental illness, the veil of secrecy on the soul.  The darkness that won’t let you sleep, the façade you create in an attempt to conceal what lies beneath the surface.  I know in my struggle to understand all of what is inside of me, I finally learned to stop running from what I felt, what I fought vehemently to conceal, and start being honest about my anxiety and depression.”

Fetish…Infidelity? Exploring the Cuckold

“We had been talking over coffee as we usually do after his 24 hour tour at the firehouse, trying to reconnect and catch up about current events, and our teens mostly, when the subject quickly turned due to a comment my fireman made about a couple we casually know.  The next thing I know my jaw was open, part mock horror, part mock vomit, and seriously a state of holy shit, no fucking way.  The revelation was about their sexual life style as a married couple and the fetish this husband had with his wife.  Apparently they are into the whole cuckold fetish.  Which, if you are unfamiliar with the term is defined as;  A cuckold is the husband of an adulterous wife, according to Wikipedia, which also went on to define the origin of the word, which comes from of all things, the Cuckoo bird, known for its ritual of laying its eggs in other nests.  So essentially this couple’s sex life involves the wife having sex with other people, mostly men, while her husband watches.   So of course my firefighter and I got into the psychology of it all, because, well that’s just who I am, I want to know things!! Now when I say I was shocked, it was only by the thought of this couple, not because I couldn’t imagine it, but more importantly, didn’t want to imagine them, because, I’ll be honest, I despise them as human beings, no judgement in their sex life, but they make my skin crawl!  But I was so intrigued by this phenomenon in general, as it pertains to couples.  In the case of this couple, there had been rumors of infidelity on the wife’s part, and my husband and I stated the obvious, that this was probably a way to save an already disastrous marriage by allowing this woman to explore her sexuality in a way that the husband is somewhat involved, so it’s less of an adulterous event, as it is a mutual sexual experience.  Now here is where my husband and I differ on our thought process.  He sees this as the husband not really enjoying this idea, being a man, but going along with it for the sake of his marriage, and to keep his wife happy.  But I see this from the compulsion of the man.  I know I relate to the male pysche on some strange level.   I have researched this phenomenon before for my “other writing” obsession, (erotica) can’t you tell?   And I was simply floored by the articles from both the wife’s prospective and the husband’s.  Not all couples were married, some had been in long-term relationships and wanted to spice up their relationship.  Some started by going to swingers clubs in the city, as a one time thing, but began a spiral into both of them becoming obsessed with sex with other partners, sometimes simultaneously in the same room, other times while one partner watches.   Now from a psychological stand point in the case of this couple, it makes perfect sense, as Sigmund Freud, described the cuckold relationship as “the eroticisziation” of the fears of infidelity.  Take this a step further, as the cuckold fetish, is categorized in psychology, as being part of the masochistic  component of S&M, as psychologists see the spouse being made to watch the other engaging in sex with another, as a form of humiliation, hence the masochistic component.  Which to some, is part of the allure of the act, and is not necessarily a bad thing if two people in a loving, committed relationship, see this the same way as mutually gratifying and a way to enrich a healthy sex life.  The problem comes in when jealousy, emotions, and attraction to the other people joining the couple come during sex, come in to play,  Many people in the research articles I read, admitted they went int to this with eyes wide shut.  They read about the scenario in an erotic book, or see it played out in a cheesy porn (for the record I don’t think all porn is cheesy), and think that they are prepared for the reality of inviting another person into the bedroom, only to find out that fantasy is sometimes way better than reality.”`